we laughed and felt happy

May 12, 2009

I have never felt so certain that destiny exists as I have in the past few months.
I want to make memories with you.
I have never felt as uncharacteristically like this as I do.
I know not where this desire comes from,
only that it arrives from a place inside of me I’ve never met until I met you.
Near the center, a little to the right, with the clearest voice.

It has collected every piece of advice I’ve ever received
from each person who has ever loved me…
When they said:
One day you’re going to meet a man who,
without knowing how or when or why,
is your best friend.
He’ll be someone who challenges your mind,
someone who makes you laugh,
someone who not only makes you a better person,
but inspires you to want to become the best version of yourself you can be.
He’ll see right to your core,
you’ll feel exposed and vulnerable,
but you’ll never feel scared.
One day you’ll meet this man
worth waiting for.
And if you’re lucky
spend the rest of your life appreciating
that you waited for this right one.
Instead of just anyone.

I dreamed of you shortly after meeting you
the man who rescued old books
before setting sail for middle sea
throwing them out above the waves
turning them into seabirds
who soared above us
and we laughed and felt happy
making seagulls and pelicans and snowy plovers
in your little boat.

Not long ago
I dreamed you herded sheep
and I came to photograph the best sheep
of all your sheep
to a little hillside somewhere in Scotland
beside the greenest field
and we searched all day for that missing sheep
before finding it in the fields of rye
and we laughed and felt happy
uncovering the secret hiding spot
on your little hillside.

Finding you was like discovering fingers and toes
though I don’t remember that long ago
As long as I have known (yet have been so unaware)
you are now, you’ve always been
and always will be.

I like you more than all my appendages and most major organs
I like you better than long weekends and sno-cones in july
I like you better than pumpkin carving and palindromes
I like you better than birthday cards and more than fruit
I like you better than hosta leaves and first pick of the cinema seats
I like you better than thunderstorms and sunny days when they predicted rain
I like you better than peanut butter and jelly cut on the diagonal
I like you better than cello solos and every coin wish in the bottom of the Trevi Fountain
I like you better than the thesaurus and dictionary combined
I like you more than 1.618

It is cowardly that I say these things in this way.
But I won’t hurt you and
I can’t hold onto all these balloons.
So I release the SOS
and one day, maybe, when we’re old or young
when we’re happy or sad
you’ll find them
and know
if given the choice between you
and Orion’s belt
and sun tea on the front porch
and a texan bluebonnet field

I choose you.


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