March 25, 2008

Charles Bukowski, of XXXXXX, Ohio was found dead in his tank, at the foot of Venus, just after 5:00 p.m. on Tuesday, March 25.  The cause and exact time of death are not yet known, but is believed to be connected to a change in PH after relocating to the area, according to the pet owner, who was not home at the time of death.  No foul play is suspected.  Heroic measures were taken to sustain the life of Chuck, but apparently, not soon enough to prevent his demise.

Chuck’s life is a bowl-to-tank story. While details of his birth and early life are not known, it was suspected that he was born and raised in a fishery, destined to end up in an inadequate bowl on some child’s dressertop. But as luck would have it, he was rescued from that life for one just slightly better – an aquarium on some tall girl’s dressertop. He lived in a PetSmart in XXXXX, Ohio with several hundred others for several weeks during the hot Midwest USA Summer. However, his luck would change July 13th, when Amy would enter the store on a mission for dog food, and leave with more than she bargained for. Chuck was brought home to live the life of a king in a 20 gallon tank filled with black pebbles, a neon pink skull, a martini glass, a statue of Venus, 2 meals a day, and fresh water every other day.

Chuck enjoyed swimming, blowing bubbles, blogging on his myspace page, listening to Amy Winehouse, Elvin Bishop, ELO, and eating frozen peas.

Charles Bukowski is survived by tankmate and life partner, Blubber.  The pair first met in July of 2007 at PetSmart in XXXXX.  Initially wary of each other, Blubber and Chuck had to be separated by a plastic tank divider, but over time – from their separate sides of the plastic – hate turned to interest, interest turned to like, and like grew to love.  Once the divider was removed the pair were inseparable.

“I am greatly saddened by the passing of Charles Bukowski” said owner, Amy Taylor, “I decorated the tank based on his coloring.  Now the feng shui of the tank makes no sense at all.”  The owners former roommate, who wishes to remain anonymous, was located in a Clintonville bar and quoted as saying, “It’s pretty dumb to name your fish after a dead poet.  I mean what did [Amy] expect naming a fish after the American poet known for drinking to excess which lead to his untimely death?  It was a dumb idea.  But this Bud’s for you, Chuck.”

Memorial services were held this evening at private ceremony at First Bathroom Down The Hall On The Right.  Charles Bukowski will be interred in the village sewer system.  In lieu of flowers, the family asks that those wishing to make a donation in Chuck’s memory consider the Monterey Bay Aquarium in San Francisco, California.


5 Responses to “”

  1. […] admin wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptHowever, his luck would change July 13th, when Amy would enter the store on a mission for dog food, and leave with more than she bargained for. Chuck was brought home to live the life of a king in a 20 gallon tank filled with black … […]

  2. Hank Armstrong Says:

    Dear Amelie,

    Please accept our sincerest sympathies on the loss of your beloved Charles, and our deepest gratitude for your thinking of us. It is such a silver lining to know at least some good can come from such a tragic loss (even if we have been relocated from Monterey to San Francisco.)

    Keep up the wonderful blog! This made my morning.


    Hank Armstrong
    VP Communications
    Monterey Bay Aquarium

  3. Amelie Says:

    Dear Hank Armstrong VP of Communications of Monterey Bay Aquarium,

    Hello. Blubber & I thank you for your condolences.

    Please excuse my geographical error / presumptuous and impromptu relocation of Monterey’s crowning jewel to San Francisco, and accept my recent post – Retract and Correct – as a token of my sincere apology.

    Despite what this inaccuracy may lead you to believe, and despite pop-culture wisdom, I left my heart in Monterey.

    Now we come to the part where I welcome you to the Boulangerie. So now that you have arrived in this blog / bakery (Boulangerie) it remains to be seen what you will order.

    For the sake of all, lets hope not a crab cake.

  4. GµårÐïåñ Says:

    Sorry to hear about the loss and although the Feng Shui doesn’t make sense anymore…keep on flushing 😀 Our hearts go out to you (holding back tears)

  5. C. Fraser Says:

    Charles Bukowski…good name for a fish…heh.

    I worked in a bookstore for awhile in North Carolina — it was the funkiest bookstore I’ve ever seen, maybe I’ll write about it sometime — it was there that I came across Bukowski, and Raymond Carver. For some reason I always had trouble distinguishing between them, even though one wrote poetry and one wrote short stories.

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