It has been a long time since my last confession. I mean blogpost. Forgive me all.
Things over the past month(s) have been quite a roller coaster. Three weeks ago I fell down some stairs at work and have since been in varying state of handicap. My doctor has me working half-time because I was too stubborn to take off full days of work during the onset of my injury. Apparently this has caused bigger problems, and now my body continues to fight itself as each day I walk on two sprained ankles is like a fresh injury. I hate working part-time and I can’t wait to get back to my regular life. Almost everyone who hears I’m on halfy says “How great” but in reality “half-time” means you come into work and do twice as much in half the time. Normalcy is where it’s at, y’all.
The biggest ongoing event in my life is that I have been looking to adopt a dog. My landlord has placed an INSANELY stringent limit (15 lbs or smaller) on the dog size, and that’s not saying a lot when I am used to 130 lb dogs. I have, however, come across a few fantastic dogs through petfinder.com, and this weekend I thought I had found “the one”…a little boston terrier. I was scheduled to drive up to Michigan to meet him tomorrow, but the foster parent adopted him out from under me today. I received a voice mail this evening that basically said “Sorry, we let somebody else take him” and later came to find out (adding insult to injury) they had adopted him to a woman who called earlier in the week but never bothered to call back until today. I guess you don’t lose your place in line with adoptions…. ???
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a dog FREAK. My pets are treated like little royalty, and whoever ends up with me will be a spoiled little furball. This is my first experience with adopting, and I must say it has been VERY bittersweet. This isn’t the first time a dog has been adopted “out from under me,” and each time it is a very traumatic experience. Perhaps I was naive in thinking it would be as simple as pointing at an adoptable dog and just like that he’s mine. Unfortunately, it has not been my experience thus far. I don’t know if it is the particular dogs I’m interested in, the organizations who are adopting them out, or just plain bad luck, but this has been a journey of heartache and disappointment for me. To the point I have considered forsaking adoption altogether at times, because each time I find a dog I think will be a good match it’s either “just been adopted” or someone somehow weasels their way in before me.
A lot of the problems arise from the fact that some groups “work” multiple applications for the same dog at once. This makes it not only a competitive process, but a very emotionally charged process as well. I realize that the orgs do this to ensure that if one lead falls through others are in place, but that also means that the likelihood of disappointment is MUCH higher when you have 4,5,10 people who all think they are he front runner for the same dog. Simple mathematics shows that 10 people - 1 dog = big problems for 9/10.
Understanding the mission of these rescuers is first and foremost to save as many dogs as possible, which requires placing them in the best homes they can find in the shortest amount of time, I understand their reasoning. But having said that, being on the receiving end of the heartbreak of finding a dog I thought would be a great fit for me - imagining him in my home, with my family, as a part of my life for the next decade - then having the rug pulled out from under me, I must admit I have a bitter taste in my mouth.
I am not a confrontational person AT ALL, but every now and then something comes up and I feel that it is worth speaking my piece from a soapbox if necessary. This experience was one of them. I e-mailed the foster mom to share my feelings after I heard the voice mail with the hopes it would provide a little insight into what it feels like when you are one of the nine people who feel you drew the short straw, and who feel a little wronged by the system. I will attach that letter below.
To all the future pet-owners out there: Having said all of this, don’t get me wrong, adoption is THE way to go. Two weeks ago I went to the dog shelter in my City. I only made it through the first doors before I burst into tears (which didn’t subside until hours later when my mom forced me to order a VAT of sangria to “take the edge off” …). There are millions (MILLIONS!) of dogs all over the country who want nothing more than a home and a family. They have, by no fault of their own, found themselves without both. Walking into the pound and seeing those eyes, so desperate for nothing more than love, affection, and a home of their own is something every person should experience. It is a heart-wrenching, terrible, emotional experience and SO important for people to realize what human irresponsibility breeds. Each person who adopts a dog, in essence, saves 2. If you adopt from a shelter, that means a space is made for another dog who comes into the shelter. If you adopt from a rescue, you save a rescue dog and make room for another shelter dog to enter the program. The silver lining to all of this is that there are MANY people who now make the responsible choice to ADOPT a pet rather than support backyard breeders, puppy mills, and pet stores. If you think you have love in your heart and room in your home for a new pet, please consider adoption. It really is the most LOVING thing you can do.
To all the organizations, however, I ask of you one small thing: Just be honest with us. If you know that there are multiple people vying for one dog, just be upfront about it. If adoptive parents think they are the only ones, they may pass up another dog who needs a home, only to find out they have NO dog in the end. The process is emotional enough just by its very nature, keeping open lines of communication and honesty will make the journey more harmonious for all.
**I would also like to add that the foster mom sent back a very nice e-mail, explaining the rationale behind their decision, which I did appreciate. There is no ill will whatsoever, my intention in sending this email was not to induce guilt or elicit an apology, simply to give them a little perspective from the other side.
For now I take solace in knowing that everything happens for a reason. The paths in my life are ALWAYS the ones of most resistance, but the rewards at the end are always far sweeter than I could ever have imagined. This will surely be one of those things.
Now onto my letter…
Dear XXXX,
Thank you for letting me know that you have adopted XXXX to another family. I am sure he will be very happy in his new home.
As a future veterinarian, you are no doubt aware of the emotions that surround our pets and the decision to bring a new four-legged member into the family. Therefore, as a potential adopter, I feel compelled to share a little feedback with you from my side of the adoption experience. I must admit I was quite disappointed to receive your message about XXXX this evening. Truthfully, I feel like I wasn’t even given a fair chance as a potential adopter.
I realize that your first priority is to place dogs as quickly as possible in the best homes, however after our conversation yesterday I was under the impression that I was the next person in line to meet him and potentially adopt him. I feel that he was exactly what I was looking for, and would have been a wonderful addition to my family, and was I was very excited at the prospect yesterday when we ended our conversation. My family members had even made arrangements to be available to come up with me - and everybody was looking forward to meeting our new potential family member.
This is not an isolated incident, and has happened before to both myself and other people I have met throughout the adoption process, and I feel it’s important to share this information with those who are responsible for adoptions. I am not saying any of this vindictively, as I know your priority is to do what is best for the animals, and I respect each person who is so selflessly involved in animal rescue, but I feel it is also valuable information for foster parents to hear this side of the adoption process. While this may be the “darker side” of adoption, it is a reality nonetheless for many, many people.
For an adopter, it is heartbreaking experience to feel like a dog has been adopted out from under you. It can really sour what should be a wonderful experience.
I feel that this disappointment was totally avoidable, had I known there were other people in line to meet XXXX before me. I know that many agencies “work” multiple applications at the same time, so that in the event that an adoption falls through, they have other people in line to take a dog. While I totally understand this policy, I also think it is in the best interest of everyone if this is expressed clearly and openly so that potential adopters don’t become emotionally committed to a dog only to receive the phone call I received tonight. It is, of course, essential to take into consideration the well-being of each dog, but in the name of human compassion, it is also important to remember how applicants and families become emotionally vested in the dogs that they envision integrating into their homes and lives.
We do not enter this process lightly, and when we, as adopters, have spent hours, days, weeks looking for the right match, when we finally make the decision to pursue a dog we consider the right match for our lives, it is not just a financial and physical undertaking, it is also an emotional one.
I can only speak for myself, and I hope that this will at least give you a little insight into my personal experience and may be of some use as you continue to foster and begin your career in veterinary medicine.
Best of luck in your career & congratulations again on placing XXXX with his new family.
