moses April 18, 2008

It’s a big world and hearts get bought and sold.

i’m trying to light it! April 8, 2008

have a bad habit. Doodling. Nothing in particular. Tonight I sat through a 2 hour city council meeting drawing line after line after line in every direction … basically making a series of cross-hatches. Halfway through the meeting our eccentric-and-endearing city attorney leaned over and said “Show me what you’ve accomplished.” I looked down at the series of lines,lines,lines and said “Nothing much. It’s nothing in particular.” He looked at it for a few seconds and still, “It’s still quite artistic.” And that was that.

I decided I have an experiment that can help you tell if someone is in love with you. Buy a carton of neopolitan ice cream with them. Get them really excited about it. Then eat all the chocolate while they are not looking. It’s better if you can do so in a very neat manner, as not to leave any mystery about the fact that you just like the chocolate best. If they open it and hate you - kick them to the curb! If they open it and smile at your endearing-albeit-annoying quirk - you’ve found a keeper.

My BFF is coming up to Ohio for 24 hours. Saturday morning to Sunday morning. I plan on getting smashing tipsy. That is not my usual style, and I haven’t been drunk in AAAAAGES, but life is good and with my BFF near there are few better reasons to celebrate. I don’t advocate drinking to escape your problems, but I think it’s a good thing to celebrate pure, good joyous days from time to time. I just want to daaaaaance. Dane Cook reference in case you missed it. We know the routine. It will start with martinis which lead to dancing on boxes to bad club music in downtown gay bars with men who just want to touch our hair and boobs (actually, take out the hair-touching and that’s not that different from a straight bar. But the chances of getting roofied are far less) and end with she and I gigglng hysterically and singing with the windows rolled down as her boyfriend drives us safely home.

I cannot wait.

Amelie’s Mood Enhancer April 7, 2008

Follow these simple steps and you too can be happy!

1. Close blinds
2. Put on Elton John’s Greatest Hits (preferably on vinyl, though CD/mp3 will suffice in a pinch)
3. Turn volume to unacceptable decible.
4. Dance like an idiot.
5. Repeat until desired results have been achieved.

Optional: Add 2 glasses of wine to human before step 1.

EDIT: For vegetarians, George Michael’s “Freedom” may be substituted in place of “Crocodile Rock”

I didn’t go to see the city, I went to see it around you. April 7, 2008

“The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.”

Abraham Lincoln

ghghghghhhh April 6, 2008

THIS is the cutest thing ever (the dog, not the baby)

Leaving on a jet plane bicycle April 6, 2008

For those who haven’t heard, Skybus airlines bit the dust this morning , out of the blue, giving no warning whatsoever to passengers, ceasing flights operations immediately.  Effective immediately, all flights, which had been scheduled through September of 2008, are canceled.  Passengers have been directed to contact their credit card companies for a refund.

All of this comes in the wake of two other US airlines filing chapter 11 this week, ATA & Aloha Airline.  The ATA website states, “ATA currently is unable to provide refunds to customers who purchased tickets directly from ATA with cash or a check,” directing them to keep an eye on their chapter 11 precedings.

This all makes me wonder what we’re doing wrong in the US.  Each website cites the rising cost of fuel, but in Europe, low-cost airlines, such as RyanAir & Vueling, are BOOMING.  In light of today’s Skybus announcement, I think the US airlines are really going to need to re-evaluate how they’re doing business, and consider taking some tips from their neighbors across the pond.  My BFF is flying up to Ohio from Alabama for a wedding next weekend, having paid over $400 for her ticket.  We all suffer the cost of gas, but until airlines can figure out a way to drive down prices and stimulate travel, I fear we’re just going to see more and more “Sorry, C-ya” announcements popping up overnight.

(reality) check please! April 5, 2008

It is with great disappointment,  but little surprise, that I must report that “ass to mouth” continues to be the blog post which receives the most hits per day, at a rate of 4:1 compared to any other post in my blog thus far.

c’mon boots. April 4, 2008

i threw the biggest fit of my childhood at the age of five in a strip mall outside of Dallas.  We were just passing through and I found a pair of red cowgirl boots that were just my size.  My mom said no.  My Dad said lets go.

I spent the next several years thinking Nancy Sinatra was the only one who ever really got me.

These Boots are Made for Walkin\’

sometimes i think she’s truly crazy … and i love it. April 4, 2008

Living alone has given me the opportunity to really appreciate two pieces of good advice I have received about housekeeping/living conditions:

1.  The reason hotels feel so good when you wake up is because there is no pile of clutter staring at you in the face first thing in the morning or last thing thing at night (…unless you’re traveling with me and all my suitcases, but I digress…).  Keep the bedroom just that … a bedroom.  All you really need are a bed, a nightstand large enough to accommodate a lamp, a book, and a cup of tea (or diet dr. pepper) and that’s it.

Moving to XXXXXX I pared down.  My former room had taken on the crazed-albeit-charmingly-eclectic look, and I wanted to simplify when I left home.  I invested in some good quality white sheets, a white down comforter and a minimalistic, non-intrusive blonde platform bedframe.  In my new apartment, the bedroom is - just that - a BEDroom, with little room for anything else.  There are two pieces of art in the bedroom - a replica of Van Gogh’s sunflowers and an organically-shaped vase made of aqua glass the color of a Tiffany & Co. box.  The curtains are white sheers, and everything about my bedroom makes me feel peaceful, clean, calm, and relaxed. A little elegant, a little sexy.  It’s an inviting room that invites naps and weekends.

2. It’s a known fact that you cannot clean a shower properly unless you’re naked and in it … otherwise you’ll be too afraid of getting wet.

I don’t know why it never occurred to me before.  It’s so true.  The stress and “eek” factor of shower-cleaning is completely null-and-void when you’re in the buff.  You can hope in and scrub down and fearlessly wield the showerhead …getting the spray into all the nooks and crannies.

Bonus points if you bring a friend.

Maybe one day I will write a book called Getting Clean, Getting Dirty: The Modern Girl’s Guide to Shower-Cleaning and Seduction

Five Connected Facts About a Blog Authorette April 3, 2008

1. My favorite utensil in the kitchen is the wooden spoon. KITCHEN –>

2. KITCHEN –> Every day after work I come home, take off pants, put on dish gloves and do the dishes pantless listening to / singing along with girly country music ( i.e. click here ) COUNTRY –>

3. COUNTRY –> I like men that have roots that are a little bit country.

4. ROOTS –> I grew up eating black-eyed peas on New Years Day. —> BLACK EYED PEAS

5. BLACK-EYED PEAS —> One year I literally spilled the beans, and accidentally spilled a bucket of black eyed peas on a friend’s porch. It didn’t ruin New Years Day whatsoever, but it sure made a big mess.